The Rum
by Xandre
Summary: Because the Rum is always gone for a reason, here be the prequel or possibly sequel to My Peanut! Again, Pure crack, just for the fun of it.


**The Rum**

Because the Rum is always gone for a reason, here be the prequel or possibly sequel to My Peanut! Again, Pure crack, just for the fun of it.

**[A/N: "Two Hornpipes (Tortuga)" again. Potential OOC again. No sense again. Please read and review again. I like saying again. It's a fun word. Or a not-fun word when someone says to me, "Here we go again." Usually before I start talking about how much I like the word again, again.]**

For Captain Jack Sparrow it was a matter of the utmost urgency. For the crew too, once they realised it.

He started his search in his personal quarters, where, as Captain, he had some of the finest Rum available and his own personal stash of peanuts. When he didn't find any of what he needed, he ran down to the galley where the crew would come down for their lunch in an hour's time.

He was almost steamrollered by Mister Biggs as he shot by with a look of the utmost urgency on his face as he made his way up the stairs Captain Jack Sparrow had erratically ran down in his search for a good bottle of Rum.

He didn't find any in the galley, either, so he ran to the powder room. Some bright spark (usually him) always had some Rum hidden there where the rest of the crew (Well, Turner. But since the landlubber didn't drink Rum the heathen didn't matter) wouldn't find it. There wasn't any there, either and all of the hiding spots that wouldn't blow the ship up had been searched by someone.

Okay, a _lot_ of someones.

Of course, that didn't stop him searching. It was Rum, and there was always a chance they would overlook it. Mustn't ever leave Rum where it could be forgotten, after all. It was the only thing worth drinking on a pirate ship and damned if they had to do with that blasted lime cordial Elizabeth and that infidel boyfriend of hers insisted on drinking, even if they did look healthier than the rest of the crew. Combined. On a good day. But dammit, _where was the Rum_?!

He darted back up the stairs and into the cannon room, passing Biggs who ran towards Jack's quarters.

_'Is he looking for me?'_ Jack thought, '_Because he must be bloody drunk to miss me. Maybe he knows where the Rum is?'_

Then his eyes widened almost comically as he realised Biggs was trying to distract him, the clever bastard, and ran right to where his right-hand man had run from, in this case, the cannon deck. It wasn't unusual to hide Rum inside cannons – the bottles the crew got were the right size most of the time, one simply had to remember to take the Rum _out_ before someone fired the Cannon.

There wasn't any Rum in any of the cannons, so Jack darted up onto the deck, where he almost knocked over Turner, who gave the man a simple look that said, "I know something you don't, and you'll hate me for it later".

Jack didn't care about that as much as he normally would have. He really wanted some Rum after all and it'd been almost a day since they'd left Tortuga and almost a day since he'd last had some Rum. But no matter where he looked, he couldn't find a drop of Rum as he slyly looked in rope piles, went up to the Crow's Nest and back down, looked over the sides of the ship and then back up and down the Crow's Nest again before he ran back inside and bumped into Biggs again. This time he grabbed the portly man by the shoulders, while the portly man did the same to the captain and both said, at the same time, "Where's the Rum?!"

Then both realised something awful, their mouths dropped open and their eyes widened as they slowly let each other go.

There was no bloody Rum on the bloody ship!

"We forgot the Rum in Tortuga, didn't we?" Jack said with a hint of finality and a shipload of remorse.

"Again." Biggs said as he held back tears.

"Again..." Jack said, this time weeping as he said, "I'm turning this ship around."

"Aye." Biggs replied as both turned around, "And I'll be weepin' in the hold, for 'tis a sad ship what has no Rum for its heartened crew!"

Up front, Turner was watching an island come into view and all he could think was, '_What are these bloody pirates doing this time_?'

"You think they realised they forgot the Rum again?" Elizabeth asked, taking a swig of the lemon and lime cordial, handing the bottle to Will who took a swig in kind.

"I think so. This is what, the third time?"

"You would honestly think these bloody pirates would learn to check more often for how much they like the stuff. It doesn't even taste that nice..."

"Never say that in front of a pirate." Will replied with a grin, "They'd keel-haul you!"

"But my big, strong lover would stop them, right?" she asked, wrapping her arms around him.

"Only if it wasn't Jack; he fights like a wildcat. Then you're on your own."

Elizabeth playfully slapped the man before saying, "Well at least you're honest."

"Bloody pirates." Will said, "Though to be fair, they _did_ only forget the Rum because those hookers were after them..."

"Bloody pirates" Elizabeth parroted as the island that was once behind them slowly became the island that was in front of them as they headed for Tortuga to get the Rum, and to pay off the hookers. Let's go with that.


End file.
